sex and the real me

I admit it. Lately I've been thinking about sex, probably because I'm ovulating. At least I think I'm ovulating, as evidenced by pesky thoughts of sex. I'm a virgin. Some people think it's because I've been brainwashed or because I've accepted other peoples' values and appropriated them for myself. Well, these people don't give me much credit, do they? My chastity, beliefs and opinions about sexuality are part of my core; I would not be myself without them.

To have sex out of wedlock would be unacceptable to me, since sex is by nature a total giving of oneself. How can a person give himself or herself *totally* to someone who is not his/her spouse? It would either be a lie or a holding back of part of the implicit gift.

Some people wonder why I didn't marry, or why I don't plan on it. All I can say is, it's no easy thing for two people to love one another so deeply and completely as to merit marriage. What if, among the billions, a person finds someone that he loves. Now, how likely is that person to love the first person back? It's not just a matter of deciding what you want and penciling it into your life as though life were a 2-D schematic on a drawing board.

I think people need to loosen up and let me be myself.