antidisestablishmentarianism

Maybe I should look that word up, but I'm pretty sure my friend John is disestablishmentarian and I'm anti. So I wrote him this (edited for blog:)

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I just think that the criticism is ineffective. (I don't really know this for sure because I couldn't download your attachment. I'm just going on what you've said otherwise so far.) You find people who've made mistakes and then you criticize the whole economy on that basis. I don't take your criticism personally because you have no idea of where I stand on these issues because I didn't really get a turn to talk. You talked about homeless people but you didn't stop to find out that I had been homeless in the distant past.

To you, any system that allows certain abuses -- poverty, war and injustice -- is no good and should be torn down. But tune in to zeitgeist. The new socialism wants to find ways to tame capitalism into a tool we can use, instead of a juggernaut that controls us. You want to help? Give theses ideas a chance.

The research you're doing is incomplete. You turn up fascinating horror stories. I must admit I never knew that business about D-day before. Still, you know there is another side of the picture, besides the horror stories. Does your research include proof that the economy could survive an abandonment of the estabishment, or that a safe transition could be made to a system that embraces your ideals? That would be tough to prove, and, to prove it, you would need to consult economists that you don't agree with.

Everyone knows that there are unfair ways in which wealth accumulates and then defends itself. But do you have a proof to the effect that any wealth whatsoever always promulgates poverty? That would be tough to prove. No anecdotal evidence is going to get you past that one. Moreover, there is plenty of evidence to the contrary, since we have wealth to thank for a total increase in value of the wealth of the world through technology, commerce and cooperation.

You Might Prefer a Raisin in the Sun

All night last night and for most of the day "today" (meaning Tuesday, whereas technically it is now Wednesday) I had the writing jones. I felt like I had a lot of stuff to say, but all I could manage was a few minutes at the library to write a single email. The urgency to express myself withered as I bounced some of my ideas off of a completely unimpressed Russ. He didn't see the significance of my concerns so I began to doubt it too. Depression began to roll back on me like storm clouds or a Sisyphean stone, whichever you prefer, probably because I had forgotten to take my anti-depressant this morning.

Let me take this opportunity to say that I really welcome your letters. And I would have answered the phone, Dave (Hi, Dave! :)) except that I was running around doing errands and I could not have heard your voice over the phone. The din of traffic drowns out the sound of the phone even at maximum volume.

So, yeah, this time my ideas kind of expired before I wrote them down. On the other hand, the letter I wrote today managed to capture a remnant of my thoughts. Excerpts below are from said letter, addressed to my dining companion from the previous night, a disestablishmentarian economist from Iran whom I will call John. A naturalized US citizen, he's been over here for about ten years now and is working on his second book, which is at least partially funded by the proceeds from his first book.

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... You gave me many things to disagree with all at once, and by the time I got my chance to talk you were past the point of conversing and responding.
... When I write about you on my blog I will be as respectful as I always am to [people] I disagree with... You will find that I am a very respectful person... If I have anything to say about you that you don't like I'll edit it or take it down.

You don't seem to give American traditions of economics much credence because the United States as an entity has made so many disastrous mistakes, and because we seem to be under the control of a certain manipulative element of what we traditionally refer to as "the Establishment." It is almost as though you feel that if you read this material your eyes will glaze over as your fingers release the book to the floor and you somnambulate out the door, zombified, indoctrinated. Let me tell you the truth I have discovered firsthand at two different colleges in Maryland which teach economics. Apparently they know enough about the subject to resist any urge to indoctrinate the students. If they did, the students would ask for their money back and go home. I'm not saying that students don't become indoctrinated on any level; if they didn't, you would probably see an anything-goes fashion show in every classroom across America. I'm just saying that, if instruction were to become as manipulative as you seem to fear it is, nobody would stand for it. It's just not happening.

So what do they teach? Smith, Keynes and Marx. Marx is pretty big in Maryland. Big Jesuit presence -- Loyola College, where my father studied. The emphasis is on the mechanics of the system, not on political or economic ideals. The one exception is Marx; Marxism is taught on the level of ideals that seek to be persuasive, not just scientific. This is the reality of taking up 9 credits of Economics in Maryland. And if they don't try to indoctrinate you in Econ 101, they're not gonna try it in 452. I never got that far, but you know it wouldn't make any sense. So give our schools a break. There are no zombies here. And John? Please read my words as being delivered in the gentlest, most respectful tone possible, because that is how they are intended

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I remember now from John's filibuster the other night, that he has a strange take on an old question. The question is how anyone who cares about the poor can spend money on lifestyle items while others lack the basic necessities (and worse, live in a desperate matrix in which they work frantically just to postpone the punishments that loom on the horizon, with little possibility of any actual reward.) John quickly concluded that wealthy people who keep their wealth and lifestyle rather than divesting and giving to the poor can't possibly be people who care.

Maybe John is right; maybe not. I'm not convinced. It just sounds premature. Many people have different takes on this ancient question, so I doubt that it merits an instant response. Schindler regretted his choice of an expensive automobile because the money could rather have been spent rescuing one more person from the Nazis. Young students hesitate to purchase a pizza while they contemplate how far their $7 could go in the third world. Middle class people in India (I'm told) develop the ability to ignore the poverty around them lest it drive them crazy. I don't always give my change away; sometimes I buy myself a treat, like at Starbucks.

If everyone gave all of their disposable income to the poor instead, could the economy survive that? (Take my survey! Send your answer to this question to kittylane167@gmail.com.) John or any other economist would have to do a lot of work to convince me that it is safe to do this. Like John, I used to think strictly in terms of allocation of resources with regard to this question -- Allocate all resources where they are needed and then see what is left over for other things. Keynes helped convince me otherwise.

So did Church. I seem to remember being told this by a priest; that Peter's Church was communist, but Paul's Churches were capitalist; and that Paul's people were ultimately called upon to help Peter's people financially because the latter were just about broke. The first Christian communist experiment apparently failed the test of time.

Again I heard about Rockefeller giving away dimes in the park, since his wealth represented a dime for everyone on earth. I seem to remember King Solomon grousing about this topic in a few different ways. Leonardo DiCaprio is rebuilding a town; I presume he's seeding the effort with his own money. And that Microsoft guy probably has a great big task force helping him give all his loot away (I wonder if he's hiring.) And St. Nicholas did it up. Who of these had the best modus operandi? Keeping some wealth allows the money to keep flowing in the door and back out in the direction one chooses (such as favorite charities,) but giving it all away is a one-time event, however prolonged. John gives stuff away all the time. He gave away some cars. But he still ate at a restaurant (he took the tab.) In my book that counts as a treat.

Until someone demonstrates otherwise, I opine that we need lifestyle elements in our economy. How much, I don't know. But I want to work at Starbucks; I want Starbucks in our economy. I want Chilean coffee farmers to have a partner like that. I want hairdressers to stay in business. My next-door neighbor in Pennsylvania is a hairdresser and a wonderful person. I'd hate to see her go out of business because everyone suddenly decided not to be selfish enough to have their hair done. (Again, please address this question for my survey. kittylane167@gmail.com)

Now I'm beginning to remember some of the things I had wanted to say yesterday. John asked if I had ever seen a homeless person. You know I'm not getting my share of floor time when somebody asks that and whizzes right past it. He didn't know, nor did he stop to find out, that I had been homeless twice for a composite total of perhaps four or five months.

I'm beginning to remember some more of my thoughts, but it's way past my bed time. What happens to a writing jones deferred? Does it shrivel up like a dream when the alarm clock rings? Am I fading into bad poetry? Then I should sign off.

Remember, folks, the survey question above can be answered and addressed to kittylane167@gmail.com. Cut, paste, or browser-point this entry to anybody you like. Let's see how many respondents I can get; how many diverse viewpoints we can collect here. Does anybody have a mathematical proof?

Other unofficial survey questions are: (1) Do you think of King David when you contemplate the permissibility of nudity or partial nudity in a parade or other spectacle (such as the Solstice Parade staged by hippies here in Seattle last weekend;) and (2) Are you stuck in the '70's musically? I told Russ I expected a margin of "yes" answers to both. Let's see what we get. Just send 'em on in.

Had I accidentally broadcast a personal message?

A freind from Pennsylvania wrote and said long time no hear and asked what I was up to. I thought, well, I'll tell 'im. Why not? So I told him about my love life. But when I looked at the message in "sent messages" it had a dozen people in the "to" field. Quel gaffe! I was afraid I'd sent this very personal message to everyone I know!! But on second inspection it only looked that way because the conversation had branched off from one of my "dear everybody" letters. In fact I had only sent the message in question to one recipent.

Now, if anybody besides Bob actually *did* get letter about my love life tonight/this morning, please let me know!

Baby Talk

My sisters and I are very close in age, essentially all babies at the same time. So we remembered and talked among ourselves about some of our baby talk later in childhood. I had a hunch that our phonetic sounds, even the shapes of our mouths when speaking, mimicked the shapes of the things we named. Because I had entertained these thoughts, when my fifth grade teacher prompted the class for a mnemonic to remember which measure is a decigram (1/10 gram) and which is a dekagram (10 grams) I immediately went for the soft consonant sound versus the hard one. Hard sound = large unit; soft sound = small unit.

Fast forward to the present day. I'm watching a television story about synesthesia which concludes with a scientist indicating an association between phonetic sounds (again, as represented by the shape of the mouth when making them) and physical characteristics of objects named or described, as a possible foundation for the development of spoken language. How frustrating for me, when they could have asked children about their baby talk and come to the same conclusion at any time in history. Nobody asks the children. (OK, I mean, not enough people ask the children.) People! Duh, no shit Sherlock. Ask the children! As the people between the pre-verbal and the verbal life. That's where the answers live. Thank you for letting me rant. My inner ten-year-old is upset.

Lucretian Lullabye

Usually I have very nice job interviews because I always behave professionally in interviews, as I do at work. By contrast I had the most brutal job interview this morning! I hesitated to talk about it because some people think that if you get a brutal interview you probably deserved it in some way; but I promise you I didn't. I was perfectly polite and honest. The interviewer lulled me into thinking I could open up and he may or may not give me a job but at least he wasn't going to hurt my feelings. But then he suddenly turned, thrust and parried, aborting the interview when I answered that I didn't have experience. Suddenly he mourned out loud the ten minutes he seemed to feel he had wasted on my acquaintance.

Emotionally, life can be wearisome. I thought about Lucretius' assurance to the prince that "a term is set to our toils." And then I remembered the life expectancy calculator I consulted which asked me about health and heritage and then essentially told me not to think about the end because it wasn't coming. Now, really, if God has some far-flung future plans for me, I'm game. I'd love to ride rocket cars amid the airways between toadstool-shaped skyscrapers. I'm glad I'm healthy. I'm feeling fine. I'm glad I didn't get arthritis. I'm glad I can sprint a mile when the bank is closing and I don't get sore the morning after a workout. But... But what? Don't we all sometimes look forward to that day when the angel comes and says, "It's OK. You've done well. You can come home now?"

my pic

brain dump

Stay with me; I promise it will get good. I just like to start with the diet bore stuff. That's just me.

Man, am I hungry. Food diary: cottage cheese (120 calories,) apple (60 calories,) boiled eggs (zero net calories,) bottled tea (120,) nutrition bar (200,) salad with feta + blueberries + tofu (250?) cheese and tomato sandwich (350 -- it was skinny on cheese,) rich hot chocolate (250, but it sucks and I don't think I can finish it.) 2 bananas (220.) When I am hungry before bedtime I will substitute for food my fibrous, goopy chocolate soup that started out as rich hot chocolate but was marred by too much cinnamon. That should shut my appetite up. Oh, I forgot: blueberries and cherries (150.)

My father was a Marine. He isn't a prick by any means. But he's one tough dieter and diet coach -- something I really appreciate, Dad! I called him up to tell him how much weight I had lost and he said he was proud of me and that I should get going and lose much more! Like an athletic coach urging his team to perform, my father will help me reach my best potential with regard to weight loss.

Yesterday I had quite a workout. About ten minutes before the bank was to close, I set out to cover the mile or so on foot. I had no idea I had become such a strong miler. I missed the bank by only two minutes, then did lots of walking between other errands. To those who say they need to improve their running before playing tennis, I say try it the other way around. I'm sure that playing tennis has helped my running speed and stamina.

I applied for a job today, a very special job with a partner of PIRG called Environment Washington. I don't mean any disrespect to any of the other companies I've applied to, but I would be particularly disappointed if I didn't get a chance to work with Environment Washington on their fundraising and lobbying campaign on behalf of the Puget Sound ecosystem. People still dump toxins into the water here! They asked me why I wanted to join the effort and I said, "It needs to be done. It might as well be me." But that's not the half of it. It sounds corny, but I want to be part of the solution. I want to get educated about how to make things happen. Washington PIRG launched a successful initiative to block insurance companies from refusing coverage on the basis of a credit check. Imagine! They know how to get their way. They know how to do their homework. They know whose door to knock on and what to say when someone opens it. I want to learn these things. If I were retired, or if I could afford it, I would volunteer at their office just to educate myself. They should know this. I will copy and send it to them.

About a month ago, I tried to get involved with a nonprofit group that helped ex-convicts. I had wanted to find out how their work was done so that I could help bring the concept back to Pennsylvania with me someday. I talked to the HR director about positions that would enable me to educate myself in this way, and she suggested that I try out for the bookkeeper position. My heart broke when they told me I didn't qualify as a bookkeeper. With my experience, they pretty much had to hate me to respond that way. (They hadn't even *asked* about my experience!) Of course, maybe they had some coursework requirement that I obviously didn't meet, as evidenced by my resume. But the requirements they had actually posted certainly seemed to fit me. And they didn't discuss it or give the exact reason; they just waited for me to email weeks later and sent an insultingly brief reply saying I didn't qualify. It was like, "Oh, by the way, two weeks ago, before I went on vacation, I had already decided you weren't worth a response, but since you've been such an incredible pest I'll tell you the minimum you need to hear to get out of my face." And for two or three days leading up to this I was communicating with people on her staff who thought I was still being considered for the job!! I have to hand it to the ex-cons in their program, though. They are very nice and personable and they do good work. (Friends, please give me some feedback here, via email. I thought about erasing this account because it confesses that I am capable of this level of disgruntlement. Is it an unseemly level of disgruntlement? Should I leave such things out of my blog? After all, a blog is a pretty public thing. Maybe it needs a more professional face? I wonder. I'm not really angry at this gal, just terribly disappointed and feeling as though I had deserved much better treatment whether I was offered a job or not.)

Getting back on track, what I'm trying to communicate here is, again, it sounds corny, but I want to be part of the solution(s.) It's great that people are solving their problems, but I had wanted to help, too, and now I feel increasingly as though I've been passed by. I just fired off this letter to an influential environmentalist's online feedback loop:

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Dear Mr. DiCaprio,

Last year-ish I looked around my economically damaged town of Hanover, PA and thought, "What we need is an Extreme Town [economic] Makeover. I think I'll write to Matt Damon and suggest that as a reality show." Life swallowed up that idea while I argued with my father about whom to approach with the idea (he was like, "How about someone else, notDamon?") Well, anyway, I'm glad you're doing this green town makeover in Kansas. I know that you will teach the world a lesson it needs to learn at this particular time. The zeitgeist is ripe and you will be influential. I hope you help Greensburg to take over its supply lines and kick out corporate bullies. I'm probably one of hundreds of zeitgeist participants who are a little crestfallen to have had nothing to do with it. So, anyway, if you're hiring, there's lots of stuff I can do and I'd love to be involved. Thanks for what you are doing.

Best Regards,
[my real name omitted for blog]

Should I Stay or Should I Go

When I landed a bona fide interview with a great company, I suddenly got very happy and positive about living and working in Seattle. Homesickness shrunk to the size of a pea. Isn't that a trip? I'm not going to do anything half-assed. I'm going to go in there and give them my all. Still, I don't have the job yet and I can't be sure it will be offered to me, so if you're out there networking my resume around Midlantia, there's no reason to stop just yet. ;-)

my resume

Maryland! Virginia! Pennsylvania! Jersey! Delaware! If you want me back in the neighborhood, show people my resume. If I find a good job I will come back.

[If you know me, you can insert my name and phone number if you circulate this resume on my behalf. Thanks. -- Kitty]

Although I majored in Philosophy and aspired to the contemplative life, I am blessed with solid general office skills (Word, Excel, QuickBooks, etc.) and long tenure with a single company in phone-based customer service. I come to Seattle in hopes of using my skills, learning new ones, and helping people.

Education:

BA / Liberal Arts / St. John’s College / Annapolis, Maryland
AA / Computer Information Systems / Villa Julie College / Stevenson, Maryland

Recent employment:

Temporary worker; 2006 – present; Adecco (Towson MD,) TempStar
(Hanover PA,) Volt (Seattle,) Pace (Seattle,) and others

Work is by assignment, either production oriented or clerical in nature. In my most recent long-term assignment I tested account management software for T. Rowe Price’s Business Services Department. This involved structured testing and filing reports when errors were detected. I’ve also done inventory/cataloging, laboratory work, mail handling, phone work, various clerical tasks and product assembly.

food service; 2004 – 2006; Giant Food Store and Nell’s Shurfine Market (both in Hanover, PA)

These jobs involved tending cash, stocking shelves and bagging groceries.

telephone service representative; 1995 – 2003; Tasco (6600 York Road; Towson, Maryland)

Tasco is a full-service phone bank. Here I took inbound calls, answered queries, took orders for products, transcribed and dispatched phone messages, and kept schedules (for appointments and facilities use.) Because everything was documented, my writing skills were honed every day. I have spent my career with this company and it has taught me to be a highly productive team player. Please note that I spent nearly eight years at Tasco.

Skills:

General: writing / editing, conflict resolution, graphic illustration, customer service, typing (60+ wpm), bookkeeping, product development, switchboard operation (3 line with screen interface)

Computer: Word, Excel, QuickBooks, and an understanding of structured and object-oriented programming.

Accomplishments and Kudos:

2004 Award for customer service excellence at Giant

1998 United States Patent # 5,718,053 granted on my invention, the Stationary Perspective Device, a tool for artists.

1997 Translated French patent in order to defend my own patent application

1994 Improved Maryland Tax Administration’s automated return process by recommending the use of a file counter on verification consoles. (That way, operators now know how well they are keeping pace. This has probably saved money for the government, and I know it makes life easier for operators. I did this while on temporary assignment in that department.)

goon from the past

Today I dreamed that I went back to visit the rental home my family left in 1970. I met an old neighbor and mistook him for his brother, who as a child had frightened me by pretending to shoot me through the fence.

Perhaps the next time I log on I will have a job. But at this point I'm homesick and I hope that I get an easy job that I can handle in my current emotional condition. Of course I probably won't refuse any job, because that would get me into trouble with the government. And it wouldn't be very practical.

Why I Can't Complain

(Sunday I write:) This was a wonderful Sunday. I had been to Church on Saturday, so today I did other things. With the TV blaring in the background it's hard to write, but that's par for the course around here; Russ loves TV. I drew a picture, then rode bikes and played tennis with my friend Donald. This is the kind of day people look forward to, the kind of day I haven't had in a long time. The scenery was awesome. We're talking suburbia with flowers and a park with a lake. Gee it's hard to write with TV going on.

(Monday I add:) The problem is, to have a nice day like that, people need to feel that their chosen activities are the best use of their time. That's hard to manage with all the stuff life sends at you. Often when people ask what I do in my spare time I return a blank stare before I manage to remember that I do try to relax in between chores, with tea or a magazine or maybe email. (Also, I get side-tracked by the TV because it runs every single night whether I want to watch or not.) And here you'd think that because I have "so many chores" that I must live a very rewarding life. But in fact many of the things I do, like pursuing a certain job, for example, turn out to be futile. Still, they must be attempted. Some things I do, like paying or putting off creditors, staying on top of correspondence, and filing various forms, are primarily a means of staying out of trouble, not working for a reward. And then there's housework. I'm way behind on that. That would be reason enough to nix a tennis date in the ordinary course of things. I was almost relieved that it rained today so that I can get stuff done instead of feeling like I should be exercising. What a turn-around from my attitude yesterday! Nobody can afford gas anymore, so my walking to the grocery store and bussing downtown for job interviews no longer raises an eyebrow. The usual errands take more time for everyone now. My father said that in Baltimore where he works, shopping centers on the bus lines are making more money, while shopping centers not accessable by bus nor train are losing out! I'd like to add, when emotional depression hits, everything seems to take longer than you thought it should.



Sunday's food diary: strawberries x 1.5 cups (150 calories,) 1/2 omelet (100 calories,) apple (50,) diet shake (100,) another diet shake (100,) 1/3 cup coffee (0,) jello (70,) 1/2 banana (55,) cherries (50,) more jello (70,) banana (110,) peanuts (600,) veggies + tablespoon of olive oil (420,) cottage cheese (70,) partial pancake with no butter or anything (50.) That's a lot of grub. I was doing very well keeping it under 1600 most of the time, until today. But that workout took 3 hours so I forgive myself the peanuts. The peanuts are what blew it for me. They're so yum!

(Monday again) And now comes Monday. I was so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed. Monday is when I face certain economic realities that are such a downer that I just erased them. Do you know why I call my blog, "I Can't Complain?" I took the words from the Beatles' "It's Getting Better All the Time." They seem to be saying that the persona can't complain because the Lord has been through worse. When people ask how I am, how I'm doing, I say, "I can't complain," or, "It's like the Beatles say, I can't complain," or something like that.