brain dump

Stay with me; I promise it will get good. I just like to start with the diet bore stuff. That's just me.

Man, am I hungry. Food diary: cottage cheese (120 calories,) apple (60 calories,) boiled eggs (zero net calories,) bottled tea (120,) nutrition bar (200,) salad with feta + blueberries + tofu (250?) cheese and tomato sandwich (350 -- it was skinny on cheese,) rich hot chocolate (250, but it sucks and I don't think I can finish it.) 2 bananas (220.) When I am hungry before bedtime I will substitute for food my fibrous, goopy chocolate soup that started out as rich hot chocolate but was marred by too much cinnamon. That should shut my appetite up. Oh, I forgot: blueberries and cherries (150.)

My father was a Marine. He isn't a prick by any means. But he's one tough dieter and diet coach -- something I really appreciate, Dad! I called him up to tell him how much weight I had lost and he said he was proud of me and that I should get going and lose much more! Like an athletic coach urging his team to perform, my father will help me reach my best potential with regard to weight loss.

Yesterday I had quite a workout. About ten minutes before the bank was to close, I set out to cover the mile or so on foot. I had no idea I had become such a strong miler. I missed the bank by only two minutes, then did lots of walking between other errands. To those who say they need to improve their running before playing tennis, I say try it the other way around. I'm sure that playing tennis has helped my running speed and stamina.

I applied for a job today, a very special job with a partner of PIRG called Environment Washington. I don't mean any disrespect to any of the other companies I've applied to, but I would be particularly disappointed if I didn't get a chance to work with Environment Washington on their fundraising and lobbying campaign on behalf of the Puget Sound ecosystem. People still dump toxins into the water here! They asked me why I wanted to join the effort and I said, "It needs to be done. It might as well be me." But that's not the half of it. It sounds corny, but I want to be part of the solution. I want to get educated about how to make things happen. Washington PIRG launched a successful initiative to block insurance companies from refusing coverage on the basis of a credit check. Imagine! They know how to get their way. They know how to do their homework. They know whose door to knock on and what to say when someone opens it. I want to learn these things. If I were retired, or if I could afford it, I would volunteer at their office just to educate myself. They should know this. I will copy and send it to them.

About a month ago, I tried to get involved with a nonprofit group that helped ex-convicts. I had wanted to find out how their work was done so that I could help bring the concept back to Pennsylvania with me someday. I talked to the HR director about positions that would enable me to educate myself in this way, and she suggested that I try out for the bookkeeper position. My heart broke when they told me I didn't qualify as a bookkeeper. With my experience, they pretty much had to hate me to respond that way. (They hadn't even *asked* about my experience!) Of course, maybe they had some coursework requirement that I obviously didn't meet, as evidenced by my resume. But the requirements they had actually posted certainly seemed to fit me. And they didn't discuss it or give the exact reason; they just waited for me to email weeks later and sent an insultingly brief reply saying I didn't qualify. It was like, "Oh, by the way, two weeks ago, before I went on vacation, I had already decided you weren't worth a response, but since you've been such an incredible pest I'll tell you the minimum you need to hear to get out of my face." And for two or three days leading up to this I was communicating with people on her staff who thought I was still being considered for the job!! I have to hand it to the ex-cons in their program, though. They are very nice and personable and they do good work. (Friends, please give me some feedback here, via email. I thought about erasing this account because it confesses that I am capable of this level of disgruntlement. Is it an unseemly level of disgruntlement? Should I leave such things out of my blog? After all, a blog is a pretty public thing. Maybe it needs a more professional face? I wonder. I'm not really angry at this gal, just terribly disappointed and feeling as though I had deserved much better treatment whether I was offered a job or not.)

Getting back on track, what I'm trying to communicate here is, again, it sounds corny, but I want to be part of the solution(s.) It's great that people are solving their problems, but I had wanted to help, too, and now I feel increasingly as though I've been passed by. I just fired off this letter to an influential environmentalist's online feedback loop:

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Dear Mr. DiCaprio,

Last year-ish I looked around my economically damaged town of Hanover, PA and thought, "What we need is an Extreme Town [economic] Makeover. I think I'll write to Matt Damon and suggest that as a reality show." Life swallowed up that idea while I argued with my father about whom to approach with the idea (he was like, "How about someone else, notDamon?") Well, anyway, I'm glad you're doing this green town makeover in Kansas. I know that you will teach the world a lesson it needs to learn at this particular time. The zeitgeist is ripe and you will be influential. I hope you help Greensburg to take over its supply lines and kick out corporate bullies. I'm probably one of hundreds of zeitgeist participants who are a little crestfallen to have had nothing to do with it. So, anyway, if you're hiring, there's lots of stuff I can do and I'd love to be involved. Thanks for what you are doing.

Best Regards,
[my real name omitted for blog]