Chat with Russian Friend

Mel is in Russia and that's not his real name.


me: Hi

11:27 PM Mel: Hey!

me: As you can see, I still have some work to do.
11:28 PM Halloween was the hardest thing to write about. In fact, my community already went over to the controversy.

11:29 PM Mel: Why was it hard?

me: There's so much fighting about Halloween here. One community after another is taking it out of schools. I thought Pennsylvania was ahead of the curve in this matter but when I googled it the first example that came up was from Texas.

11:30 PM Mel: It's news to me. I thought everyone liked this holiday.

me: And it's not just the fighting. I have to admit, I pretty much side with the faction that doesn't want Halloween to be a spooky masquerade. The Church Vigil part is OK by me.

11:31 PM Mel: OK, I'll have a look then.

11:32 PM me: Historically, this is very interesting.
11:33 PM It's good to see you, though. I was lonely. And I was working very hard on so many things -- teaching my class, gardening, taking care of my animals, helping my family, trying to fix my mother's computer (this time I wasn't able to do it by myself.)
11:34 PM My dog has come over to the computer.

11:35 PM Mel: You've got so many things to do!
I think that's good.
For me it's also going to be a very busy day.
Friday usually is crazy.
But then weekend is coming. Time to rest.

11:36 PM me: Oh, yes.
11:38 PM There is a pretty, smart and popular girl in the class I teach. I noticed that boys misbehave to make her happy instead of behaving to make me happy. This time she had boys playing tag with her in class, so I asked another teacher to come in and yell at her. I didn't know what else to do. I can't yell and I had already asked everyone to behave.

Mel: How old are they?

11:39 PM me: seven and eight, mostly. Maybe some are six. The girl I talked about, Chloe is eight.
They've been sitting still for six hours by the time I get there.
They're ready to break loose.
I think their school day is too long.
11:40 PM I wish I could teach this on a Sunday instead.

Mel: 6 hours is far too long.
That's strange that boys already start to behave like this in front of girls. Isn't it too early for them?

11:41 PM me: I don't know. Sometimes it happens with some kids. I noticed one seven-year-old boy had a girlfriend.
When I was in Kindergarten I liked a boy and he liked me too. But we didn't talk about it.

Mel: Wow!

me: I know.
11:42 PM Some boys think girls are icky and don't want to play with them.
That sounds more like my generation.

11:43 PM Mel: Interestingly, people start paying paying attention to such kind of stuff at this early age, but marriages tend to be later and later.

11:44 PM me: I've read things in the Bible that remind me of that.
If I'm not mistaken, some passages that refer to economic downturns say something like, "... and maidens and young men languished."
11:45 PM The Jews in the Bible apparently had the sense to build houses for their kids when they wanted them to get married.
Now kids figure they can't afford the house or anything else so they just forget about it for a long time.
11:47 PM I don't know what gave me the idea they were building the houses. I don't think the Bible explicitly said that. I think there was some discussion of distribution of land among landowners' children.

Mel: But even the well-to-do children don't get married for a looong time.

11:48 PM me: That's a good point. I'll have to think about that one.
Some movie stars marry young.
Some movie stars stay single for a very long time, though.

11:49 PM Mel: A friend of mine got married at 30 just because "it's time". Not that she wanted it so much. She does enjoy it now, but it was still quite interesting. She and her husband earn quite a lot. So, money wasn't an issue here.

me: The very rich, very quiet son of John and Yoko didn't marry, or if he did it was in secret... Your post just reminded me of an interesting true story in my life...
11:50 PM A man I knew was from Pakistan. He flirted with me a lot and...
11:51 PM We went out only once as it happened. He told me that people in his country got married when they were 25, traditionally. Suddenly, I understood. "Oh, I get it. You're 25 and you want to get married." He showed me his ID. He wanted to marry me.
And of course his ID said he was 25.

Mel: So... ?
Did you? :)

me: No.

11:52 PM Mel: Why not?

me: At the time I thought I wasn't allowed to marry a Muslim. Years later I was dating another Muslim and I asked the Church and they said I was allowed.
11:53 PM But this guy took an arranged marriage instead.

Mel: Is it really allowed? I didn't know that.

me: I was surprised, but apparently it is.
11:54 PM I don't think it would be allowed in the Orthodox Church. The Pauline tradition must be stronger over there than here. We're more into Peter, I think.
11:55 PM I went to an Orthodox Church for Easter a few weeks ago with [a guy who likes me]
That's what single people do a lot of times -- hang out with other single people [who like them.]
But often it [doesn't lead to mutual affection.] People get old and keep trying.

11:56 PM Mel: Is he nice?

me: yes
I'm not in love with him.

Mel: I see.
11:57 PM Maybe it'll come in a while.
Perhaps he is shy and you haven't yet seen all his best qualities.

11:58 PM me: He's not shy, but you're right in that I probably haven't seen all his best qualities.
Last night I dreamed about a Russian [probably a 3rd or 4th generation Russo-American, Nicola] I liked four years ago.
In the dream I felt the feelings again. They are feelings that are harder to remember when I am awake.
Did you get married?

11:59 PM Mel: Not yet.
Too soon for marriage.

12:00 AM me: Interesting.
Your feeling that it's too soon is what we're trying to understand, anthropologically.

12:01 AM Mel: No, in my case this exactly what you were talking about earlier: a house and money.

12:02 AM me: Oh, I see. Got it. Wow. We should re-shape the economy to accommodate young people. Seriously. I keep daydreaming about writing to Oprah and asking her to buy Haiti so she can show all the Communists and the Capitalists how to fuse the two ideologies to make things really work for everybody.

12:03 AM Mel: :)
12:04 AM It's just how it is and I think it will always be.
What we can do is work hard to make good fortune for our children.

12:06 AM me: I'm more hopeful. After thousands of years, slavery is now illegal everywhere. That's a good start but there's more to be done. A while back there were people up the road [shorthand for a few exits up the highway -- something I saw in Time Magazine once pertaining to New York and some unfortunate immigrants] keeping slaves. I don't know if they've been busted... Progress comes slowly.
I was thinking if the world community can eradicate slavery maybe we can do away with poverty.
12:07 AM I mean, as a next step.
When I was a child there was a hero around here who did an amazing thing.
He turned the tide against racism.
12:08 AM Somebody shot him dead -- Martin Luther King Jr, you know him?

Mel: Certainly!!

me: People thought he couldn't do what he did, that things would always be the same.

Mel: He did a great thing.

me: Now when people ride the train and they see black children and white playing together they are amazed.
12:10 AM I feel like I'm keeping you from work and me from sleep but I just love this conversation. I don't know what to do. ...
I don't always know what to think, but I've been surprised so many times I just think that anything is possible.

Mel: It's OK. There is plenty of time for me to work. I've got the weekend. But perhaps you need to get some sleep after the hard day.
12:11 AM It is. But for everyone to be well-of will take some time. Too many lazy people around. And hard-working ones won't want to pay for the lazy.

12:12 AM me: I have a theory about that but it's hard to explain.
12:13 AM Maybe I should think it over before I try. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel like I should be able to explain things quickly and easily because I'm a writer.
In Seattle I had a roommate...

12:14 AM Mel: OK.

me: If I took his trash out as well as mine he wasn't pleased. To him, his garbage was his, and mine was min...
mine...
12:15 AM But if I went out in the cold to the recycling bins and all I did was take out my own garbage, I felt like I had accomplished nothing.
Because I made the trash and I took it out. And I went through all that bother just to zero out my own impact.
But if I took out Jake's garbage too, at least I had accomplished something.
12:16 AM It made me feel better about having done some work.
I think that deep down a lot of people feel that way --
That they're wasting their time if they only take care of their own mess or their own needs.

12:17 AM Mel: Well, he was your roommate, but if a strange would ask you to take out their garbage, you wouldn't be pleased. And if 100 stranges would ask...
1000 strangers...
It's a little different.

me: Maybe, but if I'm going out in the cold anyway I might as well carry all I can carry.

12:18 AM Mel: I wouldn't want to work and feed 10,000 lazy, healthy and young people, just because they don't want to work.
That's true.

me: I'd feel very accomplished if I were Hercules and I could carry out 100 people's junk.
Do you think there are kids with no dreams for a career?

Mel: :)

me: I think all the kids want to do something.

Mel: Of course, plenty of them.
12:19 AM I've met many who don't care.

12:20 AM me: A long time ago I was afraid to have a career because I thought it would limit my horizons, but I hadn't thought it through -- what horizons? Beyond the horizon is what people dream of accomplishing. If somebody doesn't want that at all maybe he's depressed. Frankly, I was and am depressed, but even I have goals. And I always had dreams. I realize there are people too beaten down to keep caring, though.
12:22 AM I knew some punk rockers who didn't want to do anything but drugs and music. They went to work so they could buy drugs and pay for their hiding place. I wish I could figure them out. But I'm not curious enough to try the drugs. Those guys were mean. I don't want to take anything that would make me mean.
12:24 AM One thing I'll say for communists who want to support drug addicts in relative comfort -- Druggies aren't quite as scary when they have a house and food. If they're needy they're very scary.

Mel: Yes, those guys are incredible. But some of them got popular and earned tons of money.

12:25 AM me: The guys I knew used to be stars. They were rich by their own measure. They hired a chauffer to drive them around before they were old enough to drive.
They were local stars.
Successful musicians but not nationally known.
12:26 AM Well, it is quite late and you've given me plenty to think about. Plus, I'm out of intelligent replies. So I'll go to bed soon. [Text pertaining to web project omitted]

12:27 AM Mel: It's not properly launched yet.

me: Hey, Mel, would you mind if I put this conversation on my blog? I won't do it if you don't want me to.

Mel: We'll launch it soon. THere is still some little tiny details to finish.

me: OK

12:28 AM Mel: I don't mind, of course.

me: Thanks.

Mel: But I'd prefer if you don't mention my name there.

12:29 AM me: Oh, right. OK, I'll change that. My ex-fiancee, my roommate, everybody has an alias. Would you like to be "John" for the purpose of my blog?

Mel: Hmmm.. let me think.
Let it be Mel.
:)
12:30 AM Sounds fun.

me: OK, Mel.

Mel: :D

me: Goodnight, then, Mel. Have a great weekend.
:)


Mel: Goodnight!
Thank you. You too!