I'm Not Trying to Replace Anwar

I wrote this letter to Nicola. It should explain a lot, I hope.


Dear Nicola,

I'd like to reply to the part of your letter about freeing someone to
"find someone else." Because lately I've been acting like that's a
good idea, but there are caveats and a back-story...

Two and a half years ago I sensed that part of your intention was that
I be encouraged to find someone else. I never had liked that idea
because I always liked people just for who they were and not for the
idea of some niche they could fill in my life. I didn't feel like it
was particularly important for me to be involved with someone,
although I welcomed it in the unlikely event that someone I liked (one
of my "muses") chanced to like me back.

So what changed? Well, as it happened, Anwar approached me and I
surprised myself by liking him back. He wasn't replacing anybody,
just being his charming self. And now he's been gone a mere 3 months
and I'm already trying to meet people. Anyone would think I had a
hard, callous heart to do such a thing immediately after a breakup
like that. But I want people to understand. I'm not callous. I'm
not trying to replace Anwar or anybody else ...

It's just that I hit an unlikely number by finding mutual affection;
and I thought that, if there was a possibility of hitting it again,
it'd be silly not to take a few shots at it while I'm still kicking.
That way, if I hit it, great. If I don't luck out, it's not because I
didn't leave the door ajar. That's all I'm doing, really -- leaving
the door ajar.

However, this is reality, not Tennessee Williams. so it's not like I
or anyone else has missed out on life by not finding a partner. I
don't know if I've told you anything new here. I never know how you
take these things. Maybe you think I have my head up my butt. If I
do, it won't stay there for long. There's too much going on out
there. I'm taking the liberty of posting this letter on my blog, if
you don't mind.


Sincerely,
Kitty Lane