Worried Myself Sick

My tongue turned white and my blood turned into acetone as I worried. There seemed to be no relief. I prayed. Perhaps it was by Divine intervention, then, that I finally achieved calm – a calm I haven't experienced since... since … since Reagan took office??? It seems like it. There have been times when I could relax, but only the way one might on a coffee break. Could that be right? Memories are tricky, but I think that's mostly right. So I wanted to write about this strange Nirvana lest I lose sight of it. It seems to be from God, a gift, a response to prayer. Strangely, those old sayings about how God doesn't promise a life free of calamity, but does offer to be present throughout any calamity, now ring true and are a comfort, whereas heretofore that kind of talk left me still shaking in my shoes. Life and happiness (to the extent I could consider myself happy) always seemed so precarious. It was like living on a decaying asteroid or something. By contrast, this calm was like living on Terra firma, in a house built on rock.

Another thing that characterizes this new calm is kinship with animals, wanting to take care of them and being happy when they are happy. I convinced someone to send money to the sea turtle eggs of the Gulf of Mexico, so that they could be rescued and swim away free and happy into the Atlantic while BP finished cleaning up their native Gulf. The thought of the happy, safe baby turtles was like insurance against any bad thing that might happen to me. I hope I don't fall into calamity; but if I do, the turtles are still safe and happy. Treasure in Heaven is safe. Treasure in the Gulf of Mexico may be a little precarious, but it's somehow a good metaphor and more than a metaphor, or at least that's how I feel.

All around me are people getting sick and being challenged to come up with impossible sums of money to protect what they have. It's a harrowing life if I let it get to me. When someone gets sick it's like a train wreck that I can't look away from. And people are just getting terribly sick. I think sometimes that if I were in their shoes I would totally freak out. But I don't know anymore. I pray that everyone gets well and that everyone be protected and kept safe, myself especially. I mean, I could cease to dwell on the thought of a sick neighbor or friend, but I can't even take a coffee break from myself. May God forgive me.

I thank God for the peace that passes all understanding, supposing that's really what I have.

Avatar Movie -- Pursuant to Previous Post

OK, sorry. That was lame. I don't need a second viewing to state the obvious. Avatar was building on the cowboys-and-indians theme; and it deliberately channeled Pocahontas right down to choreography. The scene where someone discovers his lover for the first time was done almost without words, but went through all the same material as usual. Jake was seeing this alien, his wife, for the first time through his own eyes and the audience followed his thoughts... I wish I had taken notes because it went by so fast.

And yet, all that being said, I'm sure there was more in the "old material" department that wasn't quite so obvious and which I have forgotten by now. I remember the tough, officious Marine and the corporate backer bullies...

Oh, here's one. This was probably intentional on somebody's part because so many people are involved in productions like this. Remember when Ernie swiped Burt's cowboy hat and ended up suggesting that Burt use a fishbowl instead of the hat so that he could play "cowboys and indians in outer space?" The hat fits. Ride-em cowboy! Why is the Burt and Ernie version not on YouTube? (BTW YouTube also has an incomplete set of Sesame Street Beatles videos.)

Avatar Movie

Friday night I saw Avatar. Did critics call it predictable and formulaic? I’m not even gonna look. I figure if Avatar hadn’t used the old themes it couldn’t comment on them. It certainly seemed to be building on old material. (I wish I could be more specific but, to do that, I’m afraid I’d need a second viewing. Right now I’m going on a general impression.) Much appreciated is Avatar’s reliance on subtext. They don’t tell you those creatures are telepathic, but by the time it matters, you know they are.

Kromkowski -- Name that Bass Line!

I used to occupy an office that shared one wall with that of John David Kromkowski, Esquire (real name -- why not?)and at night he would often crank up the stereo. The low notes made it through the wall beautifully, so much so that I would play a rousing game of Name that Bass Line while working in the next room.

pursuant to previous post -- keeping you posted

I learned some physics, relegated chaos theory to the realm of intuition. (Intuition was made for that, right?) And then I started learning and reviewing some history -- history that really affected my generation X -- history that fits my memories and the premise of my new project. And of course the project is the reason I undertook these studies.

Quotes from Star Trek 28 The City on the Edge of Forever

Capt. Kirk: Arrives where? Honolulu, Boise, San Diego? Why not Outer Mongolia, for that matter?
Spock: There is a theory. There could be some logic to the belief that time is fluid, like a river, with currents, eddies, backwash.
Capt. Kirk: And the same currents that swept McCoy to a certain time and place might sweep us there, too.
Spock: Unless that is true, Captain, we have no hope.

In the New move Star Trek by Bad Robot, they really took this and ran with it. You could almost see the currents and eddies. And all the sky-diving and beautiful atmouspheric footage hinted at the analogy.

What I'm trying to do in my new project is to take this and run in a slightly different heading. It's time to review the language of chaos theory. I'll keep you posted.

Inf Charlotte