Pursuant to Previous Post

By "house chores will always be there and will never be done;" what I really meant was that they'll never be finished. Of course they're "done," in that people spend lots of precious time doing them. They just can't be finished because maintentance is an ongoing thing.

Brain Dump

Ah, when will I learn to compose offline?

I found a solution for my friend's water ...

But not for mine. I hear my well pump needs help. I haven't been home...

Too many disperate things need my attention. I might have fixed up my property more, but I get embedded in the web of concerns that belongs to this place that I'm in...

It isn't healthy the way I carry on here. I rush through a to-do list that's never the same twice. Lacking is the sense that I'm building something of value. When I had a Star Trek writing club I had a reason to get up in the -- er, well, afternoon. I had a life of dreams to cherish, a reason to rush through my chores. It's hard to get started with stuff like that again. You think, "What for? I'm not gonna get time to make it a regular thiing." My father said I should force myself to do fun things until they really become fun.

The "life of dreams to cherish" was bigger than any hobby, but supported by all of them.

I need exercise. One Idea I have is to ask the neighbor to walk with me regularly. She might be too busy and/or athletic for walking. And the weather can really suck around here. Lately it's been good in the evening though. Maybe she'll do it.

Tomorrow I have an art school meeting. I'll bring the bagels and cream cheese, if I remember them.

Here's something I should do -- should should should do but I can see myself somehow not doing it. When I talked about addressing this problem my mother pointed out the housework that doesn't get done and complained that I tend to get involved in other people's problems while things don't always get done around here. My take on it is, house chores will always be there and will never be done; while other people's problems are a big part of what Christians are on Earth for. So here's this thing I should do ...

What I should do is write to Child Protective Services and tell them about the child I saw being abused on TV's "Wife Swap." Reality TV pays people to behave badly in the name of entertainment; but abuse is not entertainment, so if you see abuse happening on Reality TV it seems likely to be real. I want to tell them about Michaela. I don't know what episode, when it was aired, where she's from or what her last name was. I was probably doing chores while the show was on, and didn't really see much of it. The problem is that her parents make her work all the time. On the show, her father made her fetch something for him that he could almost reach, apparently just to underscore his mastery. The indication was that he treated her that way all the time. He didn't allow her to have any friends. She was being denied the chance to learn and grow the way other kids do. Well, hopefully if Child Protective Services views the tape they'll see what I saw and I won't have to scratch my head for ways to describe it. Michaela, I hope you have a fan club online! I hope someone is already in your corner. I hope your parents take turns serving jail time and supporting the family.

OCD = big worry machine... I need exercise to blow the cobwebs out of my mind...

I was going to walk 6 miles around the State Fair with a friend, but he backed out twice. I won't be making any plans with him anymore that require me to go out of my way. Sure, I'll stop at Starbuck's on my way home from Church. But that's the extent of it. I won't go half a mile out of my way to meet up with him because everything is too tentative with him.

One problem I have is that this isn't Seattle. There's nobody beating down the door and nobody ringing the phone off the wall. If I want to talk to anyone ... I'm S.O.L. I almost had nobody to even ask to go to the fair...

I got that mean drunk from Annapolis out of my life. I got rid of a similar type last year. And it helps to avoid malicious or disrespectful people. Mind you, I don't tell them to never call and never write; that's wrong because something important may need to be said at some point, among other things. I just don't hang out with them or count them as friends. I don't concern myself with them...

And like I said it helps to get rid of certain people but then the challenge is on to find better friends to replace them with. Will the neighbor really walk with me? Will anyone want to take me to the fair? I haven't cultivated enough of a social network here in Maryland, to put it mildly...

It's very late and I'm falling asleep.

Just Say No

Not every day, nor not every week, but sometimes your brain just says "no" to just about anything you propose. The sandman pounds on your door at some strange time of the day.

It's enough to make one sympathize with those who do an occasional line of coke. I have never, ever tried it. Something deep inside me knee-jerks a "Just say no!" But logically, if it were legal, it would make a lot of sense for those times when your mind just isn't at your disposal.

Worried Myself Sick

My tongue turned white and my blood turned into acetone as I worried. There seemed to be no relief. I prayed. Perhaps it was by Divine intervention, then, that I finally achieved calm – a calm I haven't experienced since... since … since Reagan took office??? It seems like it. There have been times when I could relax, but only the way one might on a coffee break. Could that be right? Memories are tricky, but I think that's mostly right. So I wanted to write about this strange Nirvana lest I lose sight of it. It seems to be from God, a gift, a response to prayer. Strangely, those old sayings about how God doesn't promise a life free of calamity, but does offer to be present throughout any calamity, now ring true and are a comfort, whereas heretofore that kind of talk left me still shaking in my shoes. Life and happiness (to the extent I could consider myself happy) always seemed so precarious. It was like living on a decaying asteroid or something. By contrast, this calm was like living on Terra firma, in a house built on rock.

Another thing that characterizes this new calm is kinship with animals, wanting to take care of them and being happy when they are happy. I convinced someone to send money to the sea turtle eggs of the Gulf of Mexico, so that they could be rescued and swim away free and happy into the Atlantic while BP finished cleaning up their native Gulf. The thought of the happy, safe baby turtles was like insurance against any bad thing that might happen to me. I hope I don't fall into calamity; but if I do, the turtles are still safe and happy. Treasure in Heaven is safe. Treasure in the Gulf of Mexico may be a little precarious, but it's somehow a good metaphor and more than a metaphor, or at least that's how I feel.

All around me are people getting sick and being challenged to come up with impossible sums of money to protect what they have. It's a harrowing life if I let it get to me. When someone gets sick it's like a train wreck that I can't look away from. And people are just getting terribly sick. I think sometimes that if I were in their shoes I would totally freak out. But I don't know anymore. I pray that everyone gets well and that everyone be protected and kept safe, myself especially. I mean, I could cease to dwell on the thought of a sick neighbor or friend, but I can't even take a coffee break from myself. May God forgive me.

I thank God for the peace that passes all understanding, supposing that's really what I have.

Avatar Movie -- Pursuant to Previous Post

OK, sorry. That was lame. I don't need a second viewing to state the obvious. Avatar was building on the cowboys-and-indians theme; and it deliberately channeled Pocahontas right down to choreography. The scene where someone discovers his lover for the first time was done almost without words, but went through all the same material as usual. Jake was seeing this alien, his wife, for the first time through his own eyes and the audience followed his thoughts... I wish I had taken notes because it went by so fast.

And yet, all that being said, I'm sure there was more in the "old material" department that wasn't quite so obvious and which I have forgotten by now. I remember the tough, officious Marine and the corporate backer bullies...

Oh, here's one. This was probably intentional on somebody's part because so many people are involved in productions like this. Remember when Ernie swiped Burt's cowboy hat and ended up suggesting that Burt use a fishbowl instead of the hat so that he could play "cowboys and indians in outer space?" The hat fits. Ride-em cowboy! Why is the Burt and Ernie version not on YouTube? (BTW YouTube also has an incomplete set of Sesame Street Beatles videos.)

Avatar Movie

Friday night I saw Avatar. Did critics call it predictable and formulaic? I’m not even gonna look. I figure if Avatar hadn’t used the old themes it couldn’t comment on them. It certainly seemed to be building on old material. (I wish I could be more specific but, to do that, I’m afraid I’d need a second viewing. Right now I’m going on a general impression.) Much appreciated is Avatar’s reliance on subtext. They don’t tell you those creatures are telepathic, but by the time it matters, you know they are.

Kromkowski -- Name that Bass Line!

I used to occupy an office that shared one wall with that of John David Kromkowski, Esquire (real name -- why not?)and at night he would often crank up the stereo. The low notes made it through the wall beautifully, so much so that I would play a rousing game of Name that Bass Line while working in the next room.