Ah, when will I learn to compose offline?
I found a solution for my friend's water ...
But not for mine. I hear my well pump needs help. I haven't been home...
Too many disperate things need my attention. I might have fixed up my property more, but I get embedded in the web of concerns that belongs to this place that I'm in...
It isn't healthy the way I carry on here. I rush through a to-do list that's never the same twice. Lacking is the sense that I'm building something of value. When I had a Star Trek writing club I had a reason to get up in the -- er, well, afternoon. I had a life of dreams to cherish, a reason to rush through my chores. It's hard to get started with stuff like that again. You think, "What for? I'm not gonna get time to make it a regular thiing." My father said I should force myself to do fun things until they really become fun.
The "life of dreams to cherish" was bigger than any hobby, but supported by all of them.
I need exercise. One Idea I have is to ask the neighbor to walk with me regularly. She might be too busy and/or athletic for walking. And the weather can really suck around here. Lately it's been good in the evening though. Maybe she'll do it.
Tomorrow I have an art school meeting. I'll bring the bagels and cream cheese, if I remember them.
Here's something I should do -- should should should do but I can see myself somehow not doing it. When I talked about addressing this problem my mother pointed out the housework that doesn't get done and complained that I tend to get involved in other people's problems while things don't always get done around here. My take on it is, house chores will always be there and will never be done; while other people's problems are a big part of what Christians are on Earth for. So here's this thing I should do ...
What I should do is write to Child Protective Services and tell them about the child I saw being abused on TV's "Wife Swap." Reality TV pays people to behave badly in the name of entertainment; but abuse is not entertainment, so if you see abuse happening on Reality TV it seems likely to be real. I want to tell them about Michaela. I don't know what episode, when it was aired, where she's from or what her last name was. I was probably doing chores while the show was on, and didn't really see much of it. The problem is that her parents make her work all the time. On the show, her father made her fetch something for him that he could almost reach, apparently just to underscore his mastery. The indication was that he treated her that way all the time. He didn't allow her to have any friends. She was being denied the chance to learn and grow the way other kids do. Well, hopefully if Child Protective Services views the tape they'll see what I saw and I won't have to scratch my head for ways to describe it. Michaela, I hope you have a fan club online! I hope someone is already in your corner. I hope your parents take turns serving jail time and supporting the family.
OCD = big worry machine... I need exercise to blow the cobwebs out of my mind...
I was going to walk 6 miles around the State Fair with a friend, but he backed out twice. I won't be making any plans with him anymore that require me to go out of my way. Sure, I'll stop at Starbuck's on my way home from Church. But that's the extent of it. I won't go half a mile out of my way to meet up with him because everything is too tentative with him.
One problem I have is that this isn't Seattle. There's nobody beating down the door and nobody ringing the phone off the wall. If I want to talk to anyone ... I'm S.O.L. I almost had nobody to even ask to go to the fair...
I got that mean drunk from Annapolis out of my life. I got rid of a similar type last year. And it helps to avoid malicious or disrespectful people. Mind you, I don't tell them to never call and never write; that's wrong because something important may need to be said at some point, among other things. I just don't hang out with them or count them as friends. I don't concern myself with them...
And like I said it helps to get rid of certain people but then the challenge is on to find better friends to replace them with. Will the neighbor really walk with me? Will anyone want to take me to the fair? I haven't cultivated enough of a social network here in Maryland, to put it mildly...
It's very late and I'm falling asleep.
